If I Die Today

I am driving down the canyon road

steering around the curves

and up and down the hills.

A large rock falls

in front of my car—I swerve!

 

In avoiding the rock

I hit the railing—

my car flips—

and I plummet

toward the canyon floor.

 

 

My heart stops

 

 

What are my final thoughts?

 

It’s been a good life.

No regrets come to mind

and I am filled with contentment.

 

But I’m anxious.

Where am I going? Upstairs

or the basement?

I’ve been good,

I’ve done right and wrong both but

I’ve always tried to do right. Was it enough?

 

I think about my purpose.

If it’s going to end like this

why start at all?

Did I make any difference

in the grand scheme of things?

 

Just a single drop in a vast ocean,

did I make any ripples at all?

Did I affect someone’s life for the better?

And what about my friends, those that I love?

Will I be missed?

That’s all I want to know.

 

I hear tree branches

clawing against the roof

of my car as I fall.

 

I was wrong.

I do have regrets.

 

I do not wish

that I could eat one more hamburger

or watch Star Wars one more time

or retake that one exam that got the D-

or go to Disneyland again.

 

But I have regrets.

I never got to see my dreams come true

my passions fulfilled

my book published, sitting in Barnes and Noble.

I never told my parents

just how much they really mean to me.

How much I love them.

How I know they’ve done so much for me.

When I said goodbye

to my younger brother, I rolled my eyes

instead of hugging him, instead of telling him

that he is the reason I pushed myself

to be the best person I could be.

I never told my friends

how deeply I truly appreciate them.

How powerfully they impacted my life.

I never told her

just how truly I loved her.

 

I feel rocks punching through the flimsy roof of my car.

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2 thoughts on “If I Die Today

  1. I really liked how you chose to publish this poem first. I do not understand much (or, maybe, even at all) about poems, but this spoke to my heart—-this topic is definitely both personal and universal~

    Liked by 1 person

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